Three times I start down a leg of the trail and turn back to the main trail, the one I've walked once before – my first hike here in Le Robert. I keep deciding I want what's known: where I've already been. Now that I know where I'm going, I will see more clearly in the moment what there is to see, hear what I need to hear, sense this place from this new day and time and perspective. I relax on the familiar trail, I am making it my favorite place in the world - for today. It's so slippery from a downpour, heavy, one of the first things I do is fall on a little wooden bridge, and come to no harm. Now I see how careful I must be in this mud, this wet grass and I'm in my Vibrams, not hiking boots, but they'll do fine because I have my walking stick, saved from my first hike here. There is birdsong and sun through trees, and heat on my back and my face in the sugar cane field. My heart is light; I know where I'm going, I will go to the ruin and back, just right. I will see the tree, the remarkable tree that grows next to the crumbling wall. When I reach it, suddenly, I am remembering a July walk in the Cotswolds, years ago – ten? With my daughter Franci, we had, daily, such amazing time wandering down roads, across meadows, past old stone churches and cemeteries, wandering where we pleased, alone in the sunshine or under the clouds, telling stories to each other, making up silly songs, stopping for tea and scones, being happy, just happy, because of our ease and comfort with each other, because of our interest in each other, our lack of self-consciousness, our freedom of emotion, our trust, our bond. I ached in a joyful way, the pleasure of remembering how satisfying every minute of our time like this was. And, even today, miles apart, she calls, we talk, she wants help with a conflict she's having. And, with ease, with complete ease and naturalness, we probe and process it, and I make a suggestion about how to use her imagination to find her heart's desire with this conflict, and she listens, and she acts on it, and calls me back, lighthearted, content, relieved, confident: she found her answer, she found what she needed by going within. Oh, my this is a ramble. It's February in the Caribbean, and I'm in England and Massachusetts too. But this tree, I want to see it every day from so many angles. I head home through puddles of mud through the sugar cane into the forest, surefooted, my stick, my awareness, my heart beating with gratitude for this day.
