How do you know how hard to fight, how much to sacrifice, what is a future home worth risking - and how in heaven's name do you find the means?

We had a canoe and so we lifted it onto the top of the car and drove to where we launched it from the public launch - where anyone can leave a car, carry a vessel down a gentle slope to the edge of this body of water.  It was just me and him, that day, the kids were in school, it was a weekday and we chose to drop everything and paddle a little ways from the launch - it must have been autumn, late. 

Here was the wooded edge of the land we wanted, we didn't know yet, how much. You make an offer on property and an owner says yes or no - the answer was no. It should be time to walk away.

Our paddles steer us to shore, a little break in the brush, we cannot see the house through the trees; all the hardwoods and evergreen. In the vessel we sit in silence, listen to the birds and gurgle of a river running past us, and we're trying to hear if this place will call us home. 

Do we actually say the words, aloud, or do we just hear each other's thoughts?

We paddle back to the launch knowing what longing means.

All photos and writing copyright Kelly DuMar 2016